Mantras From A Purpose Coach
Four things worth writing on a post-it and sticking on your wall
Karen came into my life through my close friend B — that one friend who always answers the call — a connection, an idea, a really good lead.
B is the one who inspired me to move to San Francisco after I spent a week visiting her idyllic hometown 40 miles north of the city. We spent the week gardening, cycling along Sonoma’s winding, tree-lined roads, picking Gravenstein apples, and baking rhubarb pie with ingredients fresh from her family garden. B introduced me to my home in San Francisco — a beautiful Edwardian a few blocks from Golden Gate Park. And she recommended Presidio Graduate School, where I got my MBA in Sustainable Solutions.
A few years ago, during one of our routine ‘walk and talks’ I casually mentioned I was looking for a career coach. B had a lead, of course. She told me about Karen, an entrepreneur and businesswoman who found her life’s calling in her early thirties when she realized her career as a well-respected dental hygienist was no longer fulfilling. One day it dawned on her that she wasn’t living her true purpose, and quit her job, leaving security and stability behind. She built a women-run, USA-made business from the ground up, grew it to scale, and when the opportunity came to sell, she retired early. Karen then spent years immersing herself in the study of human potential, and realized her purpose was to help other people find theirs. How radical is that.
I didn’t know it then, but B’s recommendation to meet with Karen would change the way I think about work, purpose, and what it means to harness my natural talents. From our very first session, Karen was different. I assumed there would be a framework, a multi-step plan, or obvious suggestions about how to update my LinkedIn profile (like one coach—who shall not be named—advised over an hour-long session for $250 no less). My employer at the time paid for it, thank god.
Instead, Karen asked me questions I hadn’t ever been asked. Together we explored my childhood, my values, my fears, and my dreams. For over two years we’ve had a monthly call, and I’ve written down some of her sayings, which have become mantras: bite-sized truths I return to again and again. Karen is a big believer in writing things down. Put it on a post-it or a piece of paper and stick it on a wall over your desk. To embody these words you have to see them every day.
1. “This or Something Better”
Whether you’re looking for your next job, new home, or life partner — whatever you’re calling in — if you’re feeling doubt about the possibility of the outcome, repeat this mantra: this or something better.
What’s meant for you will always be yours. And oftentimes, when things don’t work out, you didn’t get the job, the apartment fell through, or the relationship ended, the universe has something better in store for you.
It’s hard to see it in the moment. Usually it’s much later, when we’re in the middle of that something better, we think: thank goodness that didn’t work out.
This mantra isn’t about being overly optimistic, it’s allowing yourself to want what you want, while trusting in the outcome. The next time you’re wanting something and doubt inevitably creeps in, remember: this or something better.
2. “You Don’t Need Work Life Balance If You’re Flowing”
Work Life Balance is something that comes up a lot in this day and age. Especially among us Millennials. We seek it out, feel drained when we don’t have it, and treat it like some elusive destination that we’re about to arrive at… if only our to-do list would ever get done… then we’d get there.
Karen’s take: work-life balance is a misnomer. And when she explained why I couldn’t un-hear it.
Think about a time when you were completely immersed in something. Maybe a personal project (like writing a Substack), a creative pursuit, a physical activity, or a new topic you were learning about. Suddenly your text messages don’t need responding to, Instagram doesn’t need to be checked, and before you know it, it’s 10pm and you momentarily freak out because it’s past your bedtime. That’s flow. When you’re in it, you don’t need a break from it. You don’t need to escape from it.
What Karen is saying is it’s not about balance, it’s about flow. If your work is draining you, if the Sunday Scaries appear without fail, if you’re constantly checking the time or letting out an audible sigh, those are signals worth listening to.
What would it look like to do more of the things that make you lose track of time?
3. “Transformational Networking Over Transactional Networking”
Networking. The word alone has a cringey connotation. Showing up to an event where you don’t know anyone. Trying to act confident as you scan the room, attempt to read name tags, stand awkwardly at the edge of a group, nodding as if you’re following along, really just hoping someone will make eye contact with you and invite you into the conversation. You can tell I’ve been there.
That’s transactional networking. And we all know how inauthentic it feels. You leave with a couple business cards that will pile up on your dresser and a sense that everyone there, including you, was thinking about what they could get rather than what they could give.
Karen’s reframe: what if you approached every conversation, every coffee chat and introduction, asking not what you can get from them, but what you can offer with your natural talents? Try it and notice how you show up.
You become curious instead of calculating. Present instead of opportunistic. Confident instead of anxious. And the connections you make turn into meaningful, rewarding relationships.
I remember a time I met a woman for coffee. My intention was to pitch her on my services and get her company as a new client. A few sips into our cappuccinos she broke the news that she was leaving her job for a new one. I had a moment of disappointment. Was this a waste of time? But I quickly rebounded. I actually quite liked her, we had a lot in common, and even talked about getting together socially. Six months later she called me. She was pregnant and going on maternity leave. Could I cover for her? That ended up being my favorite client.
If you show up and genuinely connect with the person in front of you, the opportunities tend to follow. And even if they don’t, you leave feeling energized rather than depleted. That’s transformational.
* The concept of transformational vs. transactional networking is drawn from the work of London England, a client of Karen's and author of Transformational, not Transactional: The 60 Minute Journey to Authentic University & Early Career Networking.
4. “Ask Yourself, Are You Totally Alive?”
The first time Karen asked me this, I didn’t know how to respond. I sat with it and had to dig really deep to answer honestly. The silence told me everything I needed to know.
So let me ask you, are you totally alive?
Not just getting through the week. Not just doing what’s expected of you. But alive: activated, engaged, present in your life.
Notice what comes up. Sit with it. Breathe through it. The body is wise, and it often knows before the mind is ready to admit it. That’s your answer.
I'll leave you with one last gift from Karen, an excerpt from a poem she loves.
"Don’t Quit" by Edgar Albert Guest (1921)
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit—
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Success is failure turned inside out—
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit—
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.
Wise words.. what a gift to have Karen in your life.